Cockroaches & Robert Lindsay

We pay £150 a year for our TV license in the UK. In the USA, American's pay nothing. They are rewarded with the likes of 'Game of Thrones' & 'Boardwalk Empire'.
We get 'In With The Flynns' with Will 'do anything for mainstream attention' Mellor.
'Boardwalk Empire' vs Will Mellor. Away win.

Yes, it's stretching a point. Of course, a lot of the great US produce comes through HBO, historically a pay-per-view and therefore no different to Sky Box Office and the like. And, naturally, American TV is capable of laying frequently enormous turd balls for every golden egg. But the point remains.

Why can't we be good at TV?

I know we have great stuff, i know there's the odd gem that makes us think that the £150 is well spent, and that we are still the pioneers of the small screen. Well ,we're not. Apparently (and this may be a joke), the US used to model themselves and their output on the Beeb, citing our national institution as the flagship for quality and integrity. Maybe they did, maybe indeed they still do, but they sure aren't modelling themselves on 'Holby City' or 'Traffic Cops' (at least, they'd better fucking not be)

A look at 1 page of TV listings today, and i counted 63 repeats, on 5 channels. SIXTY THREE.
'But they're great shows, and great shows are timeless'. No. Bollocks. Great shows become really good, then they become nostalgic, then they morph into timepieces, before arriving at desperation. Try showing a 16 year old from where I live an episode of 'Porridge'. See what happens. Before they remove your eyes.

"Can't believe we've got away with 13 series'"

I'm exaggerating, obviously. We only get the best stuff as imports, the grass is always greener, yada, yada. But it's true. It's true every time  I watch CSI and realise that, despite not really enjoying it, the skill on show and in writing is formidable. It's true every time i switch over and watch Robert Lindsay, the money grabbing, soul sapping, legacy fucking anti-hero of 'My Family'. A series which, brace yourselves, was re-commissioned 167 times. Or something.




Put it this way, look at the talent the US has managed to attract to the small screen. Alec Baldwin,Greg Kinnear, Edie Falco, Peter Gallagher, Tim Roth, Al Pacino, Gabriel Byrne. The list is endless.
What do we get? Idris Elba in 'Luther' . Oh. Cheers. Yep, great actor, yep, i'm sure it's a good show, but he's a man who carved his career in 'The Wire', which makes him, despite any claims to the contrary, another import.



And it's not money that lures all the talent, it can't be. Maybe it's the captive tin box audience of hundreds of millions on their sofas that swings it. Maybe, but I doubt it. Which leaves one thing. The shows themselves.

Look at the scrapes they get into! Hilarious.

I may sit down of a Sunday and despise the new Channel 4 drama set in 1970's Yorkshire (always 1970's fucking Yorkshire) written by some upstart who does his OWN PR  But it beats Big Brother, it smashes 'The Last of The Summer Wine', and, culturally, it shags 'Two Pints of Lager.......' in the blowhole.

We didn't become the envy of the world by being coy, by playing safe, and by adhering to formula. We did it by setting standards, by daring. Even talents like Alan Cumming, Anna Friel, and Jane Leeves have to emigrate to fulfil, well..............anything good.
The odd smattering of gold dust swimming in a sea of mediocrity doesn't cut it, not even close. I want big stars in British shows. But they won't come for kicks. Or money. They've got enough and the prospect of playing King Lear in the West End is a wee bit more enticing than cameoing in 'New Tricks'.

Former glories are just that. Nostalgia should always be a side show.

Build it and they will come. Write it and we will watch.