Text, Lies & Videotape

The TopMan autumn collection went back to basics

The best thing about Star Wars is the combination of narrative and effects, ensuring that even when the latter become dated, the former lives on, unblemished. Or, the best thing about Star Wars is the immense scope, the fearless ambition and dedication to a world so contrived it makes Supermarket Sweep seem organic.
Or, the best thing could be the spectacle, just the sheer damn greatness of the whole thing.
Could be, could be any of these. Truth is, I haven't seen it. Watched 20 minutes at Christmas once, but nothing else. Zilch. Nada. Diddly fuck.
I've probably read 100 articles and 50 essays about it. Never seen it. Looks rubbish.

But, here's the rub. I don't need to. I know more than enough to hold a conversation (a boring conversation) with anyone who deems it appropriate. I know what Princess Leia looks like, i giggle at the Simpsons' knowing references, and i know that it's safe to shout 'Yoda' at someone who is well old.
Does this make me wanna see it? Nah. Don't wanna. Don't need to.

Citizen Kane 2: This time it's serious

But i proclaim to love film, i make out it's a passion and even, arrogantly, a subject on which i can talk at length with people who smell bad and wear berets. Surely this isn't right? Surely anyone placing themselves on a cinematic pedestal of knowledge needs to be able to quote Citizen Kane backwards, have 17 leather bound books on Truffaut, and laugh at people who didn't enjoy the feminist Malaysian cinema movement of the 90's? (there wasn't one).

Well, bollocks. You don't have to pretend, people. There can be a world in which we can join together and laugh at the schmucks who don't get the end of Bladerunner, and STILL not have to have seen even a minute of The Gold Rush. We can have it all.

Because there's a fine line between knowledge and pretension, between passion and sycophancy, but it's a line worth straddling. Now is the time to come clean, to demolish the myth that we can enjoy a shit film non-ironically, to show that insight isn't the sole preserve of the archetypes.

Get your opinions here

I have an opinion, an opinion not delivered by the Guardian, nor to be found in any BFT tome. It is mine. It will often be shit. But it will be mine.

So don't watch Star Wars if you don't want to. Don't imagine you live in a world where respect will only be bestowed upon you if your DVD collection is at least 25% black and white. You don't have to smoke roll-ups, you don't have to be disparaging of BBC drama, you don't have to be anything other than informed.

N.B. I've seen 'Citizen Kane'. It lags in the middle.